Why do conservatives dislike women?

I am truly at a loss to understand why the Republican party dislikes women. Do they think that women don't deserve health care because they are less human than men? Are they under the impression that women are incapable of understanding their own health and political issues? Whatever it is, legislatures across the country are taking a blast to the past attitude where they want women to be subserviant second class citizens. 

Lets look at the facts. Just yesterday Republicans voted to pay for extending low student loan rates by cutting funding for breast and cervical cancer screening in the health care bill. That alone is inexplicable but it is part of a huge trend. Earlier this year, Republicans attempted to cut funding for Planned Parenthood which provides health care for hundreds of thousands of women under the guise that they refused to fund abortions (Planned Parenthood does not use federal funds for abortions - which only account for 3% of their services). Federal Republican legislators have voted against the Lily ledbetter Act that allows a woman to fight for equal pay and Republican controlled states around the country have repealed fair pay laws for women. In order to limit access to legal abortions, several state legislatures have passed laws requiring women to have invasive vaginal ultrasounds that are both unnecessary and expensive but demeaning demeaning and practically a state sanctioned rape in themselves. Then there's the reproductive rights laws that want to delcare life at conception and outlaw hormonal birth control which has many non-birth related benefits as well. Don't forget the new bills that allow employers to chose if they want to cover a woman's health issues. This list goes on. 

I don't understand what women have done to make the Republicans dislike them so. These elected officials did not campaign on these issues but have spent the past 2 years ramming them through both state and federal legislatures. The only conclusions I can draw are that these people really believe women are worth less than men. Otherwise, why deny them access to necessary healthcare that men take for granted? Why eliminate fair pay laws when they know full well women are still denied equal pay up to 30% for the same job a man does? Why humiliate, and demean a woman by forcing her to give birth to a child of rape or incest? These things denote a strong dislike for women as human beings. There can be no other conclusion especially when the vast majority of people voting for these bills are men, and the few Republican women who try to oppose them do so at their political peril.

I find this fundamentally disturbing. This is the 21st century. Women are half the human race and entitled to the same rights as men. It should be laughable that anyone would even dare to raise such issues as denying fair pay and healthcare to women. But somehow, instead of being a 19th century joke, here we are watching men who hate women push them back into the past.

But we can't go back. The world has moved on from the sepia lit memory of mom toiling at home while dad makes a living that covers the family expenses. We don't live in a world anymore where girls are raised to think that dynamic careers are for men only. And we should be ashamed to live in a world where we blame and hold accountable the victim of rape and not the perpetrator.

There are plenty of Republicans who agree with me. The problem is, your party doesn't. Will you support candidates who say they are fighting for the economy and jobs, jobs, jobs but spend their entire 2 year legislative session passing hundreds of antiabortion bills and cutting healthcare for women?

I understand that abortion is an important issue with strong feelings on both sides. We need a different approach that spreads the responsibility for unwanted pregnancy equally  among men and women but that is a subject for another day. In the meantime, denying women health rights so that mother and child may be in danger is not going to solve it. 

Wake up, America. Wake up, American women. Pay attention to who you elect this year. Your freedom is being threatened by this fat foot in the door. If nothing is done to stop this now, what's next? If a legislature can demand you have a procedure done against your will, maybe they'll start demanding a dress code, perhaps take away your rights for a divorce, or right to sue when fired for no reason. 

If that sounds absurd, take a look around. We've already passed absurd. Now they're just arguing over the level of absurdity you'll accept before you object.

A man coming into his own

I've mentioned how much Buddy has stepped up and participated in getting things done around here since I got ill. Well, it's starting to have a deeper effect. Because he's more reliable and consistent, the boys are starting to trust him and feel more comfortable around him. When he says he'll do something, they believe him. When he's at home he plays ball, engages in conversation and what interests them. He comes home with questions and enthusiasm about their lives and they are starting to reciprocate.

He realizes this and didn't see it coming. I don't think he knew how to really be there for the kids and as they always kept him at arms length he assumed that was all he might get as 'dad'. But earning their trust has changed things. They're all excited to tell him about their day when he comes home. They look forward to the weekend he has off and they show affection that was denied him before. It's a real treat to see.

Oh, sure there's still the usual arguing and parental struggle that goes on but it isn't seeped in the deep bitterness and resentment it had before. He carried the weight of a broken home on his shoulders and the blame for all the ills that came before, and he wore them like an old Italian widow in black, like it was his lifelong shroud. He was told he was a screw up in so many ways that he believed it and made it the truth. But his world is coming together, his life is under control, and he doesn't want to be the image of that loser. He's leaving it behind like a bad dream.

What are we left with? A kind man. A hardworking man who loves his family. A man who wants to be part of his kids lives. It's like there is a new voice in the house instead of the shadow he played for the first year or so. He's coming into his own and bringing them along with him. The biggest sign of all this is that he's cracking the hardest nut in the house: Kit.

Kit blamed him for everything. Kit, who was always so close to his mom, never cut his dad a break. He told me once that his mom said that his dad never loved him, that's how deep a hole he was in. Well, that eleven year old boy has been posting "I love my dad" on his facebook page, and even wrote "I love you, Daddy" on our family chalkboard this morning.

They're finally becoming a whole family. Good for you, Buddy.

Out of chaos comes order

An odd day of ups and downs was today. This morning I concluded Ive been in a bad mood for 3 months which is totally counter to my nature. Usually, I can't carry a grudge or bad mood for a day. I remember my sister got sent to bed without supper once for tearing up my one of a kind irreplaceable keepsake diary. That night I snuck food up to her. Yet here I am feeling permanently stuck under a black cloud.

While lying on my sofa with Bunnie, pondering this and reading a new quantum gravity theory, Stravinsky's 'Rite Of Spring' began to play on my iPod. Bunnie sat bolt upright and began to sniff the air. Usually she ignores everything from Van Halen to Weather Report but this bothered her. I hit 'shuffle' and she settled back down to sleep. Strange. Maybe her boatload of pups was kicking up a fuss over it.

The boys came home early so we got subs and ice cream and I apologized for being so short tempered these past weeks. They understood. "Can't blame you," were Tio's words, and I think he's taken the brunt of it. I said I have another 9 weeks to go and I'd try to be a bit softer. We all had a good evening together.

The night ended with the cold realization that chances are I'll be the only one here when Bunnie has puppies. That was sobering. I read the chapter on whelping in Tish's Aussie book and, while it is likely the pups will slide out and Bunnie will handle it all, some of the complications are downright scary. If things go wrong I could be doing everything from reaching a finger in to unhook a leg to giving the slimy things mouth to mouth (gently though - or I could explode it's tiny lungs!). All this is going to happen in the next couple of days! Hey-Suess Marimba.

The day, like my life right now, was a real roller coaster ride from the pit of self recrimination to contemplating the beginning of the universe and the beginnings of life here in our home. I may be going through some weird crap but, man, what a trip. 

Inexplicable things

Things are quiet with the other families recently. Since their grampa moved to Cape Cod and Marcia moved back to Arizona the kids don't hear that much from any of them. They all do some talk on facebook and occasionally visit Auntie when she works it out with Buddy.

The only news I guess is that Debbie finally got hauled into court for nonpayment of child support after two years of evading and the judge gave her 8 weeks get her act together and make payments or she will have to go to jail in June. Her response that night was to post a facebook status saying "I'm going to jail" like it simply doesn't cross her mind she should contribute to raising her kids. 

Worse than that, it upset Kit no end who is 'friends' on facebook with her. Why the hell would she post that knowing he reads it? He was sure she was being treated unfairly and said he'd get a job and give her his allowance and whatever else he could do. So we were forced yet another time to drag the children into another emotional discussion of "why mommy is a screw up".

I started by asking him this: "She has a job. Why doesn't she want to help look after you?"
He didn't know.
"The judge said if she pays she won't go to jail," I said. "All she has to do is make payments."
"Why won't she?"
I didn't know.
"Did Dad pay when we lived with her?" he asked.
"Every week."

A month has passed and there still is no payment. Does she really want to go to jail? Does she imagine that after she serves time that her debt is paid and she won't owe child support ever again. I don't understand this at all. She certainly kept running back to court every time Buddy even appeared to step out of line yet she doesn't think the same rules apply to her.

Sooner or later the same rules apply to all of us.

Where's the reboot button when you need it?

There seems to be some tension in the air this week.

I'm having trouble getting a bead on Tio's behavior. One minute he's thinking clearly about what he wants and the next he can barely get out of his own way. He wants everything right away and he shoots himself in the foot just when he's on the verge of earning privileges. The negotiating of all this drives me crazy. I'm just looking for him to push for top grades, an easy catch because he's so smart, but it isn't that simple. He's become teenage smug and disrespectful and thinks he should drift by with whatever grades float within reach. 

This week Kit was so insolent at his afterschool program that one of the supervisors said if he crosses the line again, he'll get kicked out. I had to make it clear, yet another time, in no uncertain terms that kind of behavior is unacceptable and life will get uncomfortable if he keeps it up. At the same time, his academics are great and he seems to be doing alright at school.

Then there's Doc. He spent the day at a friend's house and I heard from the mom tonight that he was very nervous, wanting to go home, and swearing a blue streak. Jeez, what's next?

I'll tell you what. All three of them don't get on with each other very well, Tio and Kit being the worse. It gets under my skin that they go at each other with no need or reason. Both have good lives, they are very different and therefore don't have anything to be jealous of the other for, neither cares what the other thinks, and still as soon as they're both in the same room, the tension shoots up like mercury on a hot day.

Add anticipation of a batch of puppies, chemotherapy, and the start of spring vacation for a week and it feels like my world is exploding. I feel I need a break and yet this is when I'm supposedly taking a break. Worse, I feel all of this is my fault. I'm supposed to be the one pulling everyone together but I'm not on my best game right now, I've been losing my temper more than I used to, more than I should, and I see no end in sight. I don't think what I expect of them is unreasonable, but it seems like a hard fish to land all the same.

I know, I know, welcome to parenting.

It looks like our family is about to get a lot bigger

Bunnie is definitely with child and with child and with child and with child and with child. She’s getting so big she lists hard to starboard when she turns. I think we’re going to have to call the first one “Standing Room Only” because it’ll get shoved right out of her womb. Aside from getting big, her two rows of nipples have turned into rubber pacifiers big enough to satisfy Godzilla’s babies. Meanwhile, I wish the little blighters weren’t pressing so hard on her colon. The constant noise leaking out her butt varies between a hissing balloon to a whining mosquito and both are matched by a very ‘delicate aroma’. Unfortunately for me, chemotherapy has made my nose much more sensitive and I have to push her away.

Gully and Bunnie, our dad 'n mum.

All the same, it’s kind of exciting to think about a litter of pups on the way. The boys want to name them and it’s always fun to hear the types of names they like. Tio wants “Momo” or “Rex”, Kit prefers “Madison” or some other girl’s name, and Doc would go with anyone from Spongebob. It reminds me of when we formed a bike club when Kit was 5 and Tio was 7. Tio said we should name it “Death Kill Riders” and Kit wanted “The Fancy Boys”.

There’s only a week or so to go. I hope I’m up to the job.

25 years of marriage. That's a lot of compromise and communication

On our wedding day a quarter century ago.

My marriage is 25 years old today. Our silver anniversary. Tish's boss gave her the day off and we spent the day together. With all things being as busy and troubled in our world neither of us thought to get the other a gift. We just want to survive this spring and hope there are another 25 years in the offing.

Tish is 8 years older than I am and I think back then people were taking bets that it wouldn't last. Not too many guys were marrying older women. On the other hand, 2 of my 3 brothers married older women and they're still married, too. The third, alas, is not. Neither are any other of the friends and relatives whose weddings I went to around that time. It's no easy job keeping a marriage on track.

Any couple would wonder aloud if they would do it all again given hindsight. With all that's gone on in our lives, Tish and I both said yes. We're in this thing for life.

I love you, Tish.

In peace talks, where the players sit can be as important as what is said

A few days ago, while discussing how to reach a teenager, a friend told me that she had learned that talking to her daughter was a head on affair while talking with her son was more of a side to side thing, like watching TV together. In fact, she said, they got their best work done during prime time TV ad breaks. Well, Tio is definitely a teenager now. He's grown 4 inches in the past 8 months, his voice has dropped an good octave, and he has so much extra attitude he doesn't mind handing it out for free.

Yesterday, we had a couple of things to talk about so I pulled a chair up in front of him on the porch for subject number one: dating at his age. I was facing him and I could see by his reactions what I had to say wasn't to his liking. Moreover, he got more uncomfortable the more I noticed it . He didn't have a lot to say, but his face said a lot. So when I changed the subject to his schoolwork, I switched chairs and sat beside him where we were both looking over the railing to the hills beyond.

He didn't approve of the subject matter any more than the first one: his grades had gone down and the expectations were going up. But this time I didn't look him in the eye, didn't watch his face and made no responses to his silences. I told him how things stood and left it at that. After a few minutes of enjoying the view, he chimed in with his objections, ideas, and offers. When he'd had enough, he got up and left. 

I don't know if either of the two 'talks' sunk in more than the other. Neither were his choosing, but I did sense that he was less uncomfortable (strange double negative there) when we faced the open breeze together. Maybe it's less of a "lecture", less intimidating, and more like just putting the stuff out there.

I'm much more of a f2f kinda guy and this'll take some getting used to but as there are two more boys coming down the pike, there's no sense bucking what works.

"It was sad when the great ship went down"

Here it is 100 years that the Titanic went down off the Grand Banks. Amazing that it is so vividly drawn on our collective memories after all this time. More than any other vehicular disaster in history, I think. (except perhaps the mass Pelopenesian Blimp Bumpings of 239 BC).

When I was a kid we used to sing songs about the Titanic (the title of this post being a line from one) and, for my part, I've contributed to the story in a small way with my novel THE  MARINER'S CURSE, by creating a demon that was brought to life by a bad deed aboard the Great Ship on that fateful April night 100 years ago.

If you haven't read The Mariner's Curse, give it a try. I know you'll like it. It's written for kids but a nice read for anyone. I got many good reviews but the best one was from a boy who said it was one of his two all time favorite books. The other was Charlotte's Web. Praise doesn't get much better than that.

It's available in paperback through Amazon. Click here to get reviews, news, and your copy: The Mariner's Curse

From lookingglassreview.comSuspenseful and even slightly frightening, this is a story which brings together the myths of the sea, the stories of famous ship wrecks, and the sufferings of a guilt-ridden heart. We watch as Rory struggles to put together the pieces of this peculiar and ultimately deadly puzzle. With great skill the author feeds us clues about the fearful "Morgan." We are drawn into this powerful tale and find ourselves hoping desperately that Rory finds the answers before he and everyone of the ship are wiped out by some malevolent force. Powerful and sometimes painful, this is a wonderful book for those interested in the sea and its mysteries.

Walking in your old man's shoes

I inherited 2 kaftans (persian robes) from my dad. A friend made them for him to wear when he had cancer so it would be easier to get around the house. Over the years I wore one out completely.  The other I'm wearing right now.

I bet 25 years ago, on this same day, my father was wandering around his house like I am today feeling sick as a dog, worse than I no doubt, just looking for some relief or distraction from this disease. My wedding was only one week later in that same house.

His last really good day was my wedding. He died four months later.
Talk about walking in your old man's clothes.

Our real Easter Bunny

The last couple of weeks we've been noticing that my dog Bunnie is getting quite fat. Tish kept telling me to lean out the kibbles and snacks and I did a bit. It didn't help. Besides, I'm not feeding her any more than I have the past year, she gets more exercise now and she hadn't been packing on the pounds before.

We added it up. "She either has a thyroid problem, or she's got a secret stash of tacos, or..." We looked at each other. "...she's pregnant!"

Tish took a look while we counted back. She was in heat in February so that timing is right. Her nipples are large. Gulliver is an intact male and we were destracted by all my medical stuff enough that we may not have kept them separate enough, and finally - she looks like a tugboat.

By all accounts we should have a litter of Easter chicks from our Bunnie in the next couple of weeks. Looks like I may have something to keep me busy this spring after all.

Egg fights and other strange Easter traditions

They say the tradition of eggs and bunnies for Easter goes back to pagan rituals connected with the rite of spring. The story goes that the early Christian church usurped the solstace in order to bring more people into the faith. The same thing has been said about Christmas being set after the winter solstace so that the pagan rituals around the shortest day of the year would be overshadowed by the new Christian rituals.

Shoot to hundreds of years later and I think the plan backfired. St. Nicholas, candlelit trees, and gift giving have overshadowed the birth of Christ in the same way that chocolate bunnies, candies, and nests of eggs have taken the driver's seat at Easter. It seems unfortunate that egg hunts and Santa have taken over the signature names of the two most fundamentally important Christian holidays. I don't think the same can't be said for any other religion's holy days.

Kit and Doc have their first egg fights 

Besides a ham dinner, chocolate bunnies, and colored eggs, one other tradition we had in our family growing up was egg fights. I've never heard of any other family doing this and I'm not sure where it came from. Here's the deal: Each of two opponents holds a hardboiled colored egg with one end exposed. Then you aim it at the other guy's egg and try to crack his shell first. Depending on how many eggs you have and how many players, this can be quite an engaging game for the kids and you get a lot of egg salad into the bargain.


Whatever your traditions may be -- happy Easter to you.

Do we really have to talk about drugs at such a young age?

We're entering some dangerous waters: Tio is starting to show some real curiosity about recreational illegal drugs. The good news is that he's talking with me about it. The bad news is that he's sniffing Kool-Aid and thinking about smoking dill weed because his friends tell him that'll get him off. 

The first question to wrestle with for any parent facing this talk is - do you tell them about your own past experience with drugs or do you pretend you were an angel and walked through the valley of darkness with sunglasses on? I decided on the former. Primarily because Tio is no stranger to witnessing drugs in his life. He watched them tear apart his parents, watched them how they made so many adults in his world behave badly, saw all the 'secret' paraphenalia littered around the apartments of people even he thought were drug free, and had to endure the lifestyle of those who give their dignity and responsibilies up in favor of a constant high. Frankly, I was hoping that would be enough to give him a lifelong aversion to drug abuse. Alas, it hasn't. Two years living in a drug free world seems to have softened his aprehensions.

As I've mentioned in prior posts, I did my share of unprescribed drugs in my youth, smoked too much weed, and behaved correspondingly irresponsible as a result. My brother got me started at 14 and I nearly flunked out of high school as a result. Fortunately, when it was my turn to be parent, our daughter wasn't interested in doing drugs, but Buddy was living with his biodad at that age so we had no input into his keeping. That means that right now we're stepping into uncharted territory.

Tio's curiosity is disturbing because of his history but understandable because of his peers. He's already being invited smoke grass with some friends and it will only get more persistent. He needs a solid reason to want to say no, something that he can commit to and have his friends accept. That way when the joint comes out of someone's pocket, he can refuse without impunity.

I've told him about my own experiences and that drugs are for losers who can't deal with the reality of their lives (which included me at that age) and that's not him. He's popular, smart, a talented athlete, and the girls line up to be with him. Why would he want to spoil that? Marijuana will only make him stupid, clumsy and lazy. It could also get him kicked out of sports if he got caught.

He gets all that, even agrees. But the question he has is a fundamental one: "What's it feel like to be high?" After all, it appears that everyone and their dog wants to get high at one time or another so there must be something to it. 

"Yes, there is an appeal," I said. "but if it was that wonderful, I'd still be using it, so would your dad, and a lot of others who left it behind. You've watched them ruin the lives of people you care about and nearly ruin yours. So maybe the down side is a stronger guide for what direction to follow than the curiosity to experiment."

That argument won the day - for now. But this is going to be a long and difficult discussion for the next few years. And he has two younger brothers who will have the same questions.

Will the real Uncle Fester Addams please light up

Now that I'm completely bald I bear an uncanny resemblance to what must be a distant relative...

 Which is which?

Children of the Corndog

When the boys first moved in here (some thousand years ago), they were used to eating instant dinners, fast food, and junk, junk, junk. I figured that was easy and what with life being short, I bought Hamburger Helpers, Instant Potatoes, Corndogs, and whatever looked convenient.

By the end of 3 weeks my system was so overloaded with puffy preservatives that I could feel them popping through my skin. I took one last bite of sodium bisulphate and threw the rest of the mess out vowing that the kids would eat well from then on. And we did, too. There have been no mixes in the house for over 2 years. Oh, the odd cake mix and spaghetti sauce but everything was hand made from that day forth. You know, it took 2 months for their taste buds to reboot so that they could taste real food and recognize the grease content at McPinkslimes.

Well, I’m not the head chef and bottle washer for the time being so regurgitated chicken patties, corndogs and frozen meat pies are starting to creep back into the freezer again. Buddy never was a cook. It takes him 5 minutes to butter a slice of bread (he does a thorough job!) and with all the rest of the stuff he’s up to he can’t think ahead long enough to prepare anything. Tish never did like to cook and to give her credit she does really well at the stuff she does. But she’s busy too with the day zooming past her like a rocket so I can’t blame her for picking up the odd prepared frozen supper.

I don’t like the idea of us slipping back into food additive hell, even if it’s temporary. So I better get the crock pot out and flip through the old recipe book before we all start looking like Porko von Popbutton.

April Fool's?

This morning Doc ran back to the house from a short bike ride to ask Grammo when we were moving.
"We're not moving," she assured him.
"Are we selling the house?" he asked.
"No."
"How do we get to Mars?" he asked.
"Mars? You have to take a spaceship."
"When will we go?"
"Go where?"
"To Mars?"
"We're not going to Mars."
"That's what the sign says."
"What sign?" Tish asked, totally confused.
Doc took her out to the end of the driveway where a sign had been planted that said:

HOUSE FOR SALE

Moving to Mars

No one in the house has any idea where it came from. After everyone looked at it, they all assumed that I did it because it's my kind of joke. But I had nothing to do with it. Whoever put it there either knows I'd love to take a spaceship to Mars or wishes we would all go there for reasons entirely their own.

It looks like we have an April Fool's joker or someone making a not so pleasant personal statement in a very strange way. Either way, it's a mystery.

Too bad because both Doc and I are ready to blast off!