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9.30.2012

Au revoir

I seem to be reluctant about getting back into writing the blog since I went home to Canada for a visit. I'm not sure where the pin went into the balloon but I'm having a hard time finding anything fresh to say.

Since I survived cancer and am looking ahead, I feel like all the things I can talk about on the blog have become well trodden ground and that I'm just kicking the same can down the road. Perhaps, my perspective has shifted slightly as much as anything else and I need to find my new voice. But it's been 2 years almost to the day that I started Grampy's Acre and I feel like all I'm reporting on are the mundaneries without anything fresh to add. For instance, it's Homecoming weekend right now and Kit got grounded and can't go to the bonfire. Last year Tio was grounded. How boring is that? What makes it interesting is what I can add and see behind the events and right now I'm not seeing much.

I suppose I'm searching my world with new eyes and trying to assess where I want to fit in and how I might express that best in my writing. The last thing I want to do is get tired of what I write until both you and I stop tuning in.

Thank you for stopping by and sharing our busy and oft times bizarre world. Please hang in there, dear readers, I will be back. If you want to send me an email address, I will send a notice out when I spark up and shine our crazy light into the bloggoworld again.

Cheers,
John Lunn
18k(at)comcast.net

9.12.2012

A rest is as good as a change

I'm off to Canada tomorrow and today I get to clean up loose ends.

I woke up at 7 this morning listening to Grammo going over the same routine with Kit and Doc. "Stop that." "Get breakfast." "Get dressed." and so forth. This isn't her job. We both schlep these kids around all afternoon and make supper, get the homework done, manage their tempers and needs, and get them off to bed. The morning is Buddy's turn. So what does he do? He gets up 5 minutes before they go out the door, says goodbye and goes back to bed. I told him clearly this morning this has to stop happening. 'Get up when they do and get them ready for school.' "Okay," he says, like its the first time he's heard this and it never occurred to him. Yeah, right.

I hunkered down back to sleep only to be woken to the dulcet tones of Sammy Malone howling in the kitchen. Man almighty. Nonstop. I figured Tish had gone out and the puppy was alone. Turned out she was on the front lawn laughing at the whole thing. Big joke.

Kit's teacher emailed me to say that he's not getting his homework done. I look it over every night but I can't be sure I'm seeing the whole picture - and sometimes wonder. I told her it may stay slack for a week until I get back because his dad won't review it. Buddy barely knows what subjects he has.

Then I hear Tio got a detention for mouthing off in class, something he has insisted he is over. I also have to keep on him to work enough on his homework. He's a minimalist when it comes to that.

I'm going to forget about all of this while I'm away. I'll brush the dog hair off my clothes, hit the road at 8 am and put the family behind me. Tish is taking the week off from work, too. She's staying at home, hoping for some quiet for a few days - just her and the dogs.   Kids will be at school and it's Buddy's weekend.

Maybe when I get home the two of us will be able to face the commotion with more zazz.

9.08.2012

Aw, craps!

I'm still having a hell of a time trying to get Tio to be honest - a regular subject of this blog. Where we left off last he had most of his privileges taken away, lost his new scooter and has to come home on the bus instead of stay after school and hang with his crew.

Yesterday he came to me with an offer to lift some of the restrictions. He made a case for what he's been doing to be trustworthy, that he's doing his homework and getting to bed on time, and how he'll stay within the rules and keep his word. All well and good.

Or not. During all of this happy talk he was lying to me. I asked about one of the things we're dealing with and he lied about it, hoping that my not knowing the truth would give him the opportunity to do as he pleased. Without knowing the lie I agreed to give him a shot at proving himself again and letting him stay after school. 

I learned of the lie today and that he was being a total hypocrate while he earnestly made his plea for trust. The irony is that had he told the truth, I still would have restored his after school freedom. However, he consciously made the choice to lie, it wasn't a misunderstanding or reflexive. He wanted to cover up his intentions which means he'll do it whenever it suits him. I can't decide if he doesn't care or if it's a calculated gamble. It's like a game of Snakes and Ladders where we climb up the ladders and then slide down the snakes all on the roll of the dice. 

Looks like we're back to square one and it's my roll.

9.05.2012

How do you keep blood thicker than water?

I'm travelling home next week for a few days to visit my mom and sibs and a couple of cousins. I haven't gone back to Canada for several years. Besides the fact that I can't stand driving and it takes 6 hours to get there, I admit that I have an imperfect relationship with my family. My mom and I get along fine, have done for many years since we worked out our "mother/son" issues and became friends. My oldest brother and I are friendly but not that close but we love each other and get on fine.

My brother Alec, he of "You Pedal I'll Steer" fame, and I have been estranged for the past 4 years and at awkward arms length for years before that. I know that has kept me from visiting. I could never understand it and we tried on several occasions to work it out only to find anger and frustration rearing up between us both. Since my cancer, we've managed to break through the noise and reconnect. I think we both had a flash of how short life really can be and didn't want that to be the last word between us.

One thing I faced with my family was just how crazy we all are and, therefore, how crazy I am. There is another brother I haven't mentioned and my sister, Katrina, who you may have met earlier in my blogs when she's visited us. I think the 3 of us are the whacko ones. Without going into issues and details, we all 3 recognize our mental frailties. We each deal with them differently, but when I look at them I look in the mirror and that can be difficult. Which can make visits difficult.

It makes me realize how frail any long term family relationships can be. Tio and Kit insist they hate each other. They certainly have typical sibling rival issues but underneath it all, they do care about each other. Can that sustain them into adulthood so that they might be able to connect and count on each other? Hard to say. Tish has been totally estranged from her family for over 10 years and emotionally estranged from them for much longer. Just being 'family' is not a given of a lifelong relationship. Nor is it a guarantee of a positive experience as so many will attest.

I want these boys to walk away from childhood with the support of each other. I'm sure there will be some distance for a time when they sort out who they are as individuals but  I want them to be able to return to the family, turn to each other, and know there are people there they can lean on, count on and come back to.

Will that be too much to ask?

9.03.2012

Buddy’s new girl


I mentioned a few days ago that Buddy got a new car, a 1981 Porsche 928. He bought it on a trade for some equipment he had and then see if it was worth salvage or stripping down for parts. Turns out to be neither of those things. He’s fallen in love with it. He always loved this model Porsche best and it is in within a stroke of being roadworthy.

He tinkered all weekend with it, borrowing sandpaper and tarnish remover and crooning over the details. He took Danny and Sugar and each one of the kids out for a spin as though it was a ride at the state fair. He even stood over the open hood, admiring the engine - something I’ve never seen him do on any other car he’s owned. He’s even pulling it into the garage late at night to work on it.

“Meet your Dad’s new girlfriend,” I said to Doc as we sat on the deck and watched Buddy crawl under the car to tighten something. “That’s who Dad will be spending his weekends with from now on.”

“How do you know it’s a she?” Doc asked.
Good question. “Hey, Bud. Is the Porsche a she or a he?”
“Definitely a she,” came the voice from under the car.
I raised my shoulders in resignation. “See?”
“I like her,” said Doc.

That’s good, I thought. It’s better to like your Dad’s new girl straight off rather than resent the attention he spends on her. I just hope the honeymoon lasts because he’s in this relationship for the long haul.

It's us or them


Tish works in an humane society and animal shelter. The place is full of constant noisy barking and screaming animals, emotions run high among the staff who have to deal with stress every day, people bring in abused and abandoned animals and they regularly have to involve the police and other officials to rescue dogs from unsavory conditions. Yet today she told me that she can handle all of that more easily than the stress of the 3 boys at home.

Not good.

She is bothered by the fact that there doesn’t seem to be room in this world of ours for us and  it’s not healthy for us personally or our marriage. We’re either busy with our work, busy with the kids, constantly picking up after them and then too tired to do anything but watch TV or nap. Just looking after the boys, even when they are playing on their own, wears us down. Because they don’t get along and always demand attention every hour of their waking lives, it constantly saps that little bit of extra and leaves us less for each other.

We’re very close and our relationship can withstand a lot of pressure. But how long can it continue like this? Is there a limit where we crack or do we just endure until it either winds down or leaves us sucked dry?

I want to enjoy my marriage, my partner, my wife. And she me. Even when we do get out for a meal we end up talking about the crap that goes on here, leaving us no escape. We need a getaway. She’s talking about kayaking and camping. I’d settle for live music and the odd play every now and then. Either way, we need to change the parameters of this deal or it will change us.

9.01.2012

Old Friends


My friend Bill visited from Toronto this week and I skipped blogging.

Our parents were college friends and I’ve known him since birth. He and his sister are the only lifelong friends I have. I have no idea about the lives of anyone in Toronto after I left at age 10 (with the exception of a renewed casual connection through facebook with a “girlfriend” when we were both 8 years old). I may have mentioned before that the day after high school ended (the second one I attended) I left home and never looked back. At 21 I left Canada, shedding almost every connection again. My life up to the point of moving here was a series of goodbyes.

On the other hand, my brothers are still connected to grade school friends. My sister, too, has stayed connected to her past. I have other friends who are raising their kids alongside their childhood friends. I moved around so much and never learned how to stay in touch - maybe on purpose.

I wonder with the boys having lived their lives in this corner of America if they will lay down lifelong roots or wander off when their time comes. Both of our kids are here for keeps but neither of them have any connection to the past before coming here. I don’t know if it takes a certain kind of personality or if it’s circumstance that makes this happen. If all my sibs but me managed to keep their ties, I guess it’s something in me that couldn’t manage it.

My mom has been friends with Bill’s mom for 60 years. They love each other and bicker and share and have lived good lives in and out of each other’s company all that time. I think it’s a good thing and I hope that our boys make connections that carry them through life, no matter where in the world they may travel to.