I've reached an odd place tonight where I've got 2 important creative projects swirling around my brain and I'm not sure what direction to take either of them next. The first is my novel where I've created a lot of interesting plot threads and twists and I'm not sure how to tie them together. The story takes place in an unimaginably harsh world where the laws of physics are twisted. I've reached a point in the story where I have to start resolving them and I'm not sure how. This isn't writer's block. I could write 10,000 word in any one of a dozen directions, I just want to pick the one that will pull this story into the station with an original bang.
The other connundrum is with a flute I'm designing. I'm trying to tell the story of the early history of jazz up to the 1950's in silver images. I've got a dozen faces if jazz greats and a few dance crazes that I can sculpt into the metal. The problem is I haven't found the heart of this story yet. Of course, the heart of jazz is in the people who created it, but I'm trying to depict it entirely in tiny images on a flute and it will take more than portraits to reach inside and pull the guts out and show my love for jazz. I need to put my feelings into a visual portrait of a musical medium that stirs you up as much as it does me.
So here I sit telling you my problems, listening to Bessie, and Basie, and Billie and Tess, while trying to thread that fine needle between illustration & art / writing & literature. No wonder so many artists drink themselves to death.
6.27.2011
A Very Itchy Week
For me the big thing that happened this week is getting a real bad dose of poison oak. We have a big side field that we only mow a couple of times a year. Except, of course, I ignored it the past 2 years so it was really overgrown. I was a good boy and wore shoes and long pants but I didn't even think of gloves when I was dragging some branches that had fallen. So I got it on one hand and spread the crap all over. That was last Monday and I'm still crawling with it.
The two younger boys spent 3 days at their other grandparents and came back tonight feeling pretty good. I hope we can continue overnights. Buddy came up from reading to Doc and said he was really upset and asked if I'd go check it out. I took down a bottle of good cheer and some laughs and figured out right away that he's nervous about starting summer school tomorrow. It isn't the first new group he's joined but he's always anxious about the unknown. So we huddled up and got to giggling and I said I'd drop in during the day to make sure he was okay. Then we read a silly story about a couple of wannabee pirates who tried to buy a ship but they were afraid of the water. So the old seadog cap'n sold them a van.
The dogs got long overdue baths. I stood in the shower stall with a grooming table and a soggy dog, soaping them and me up at the same time. Then I carried the sad sack outside to shake what water was left after shaking all over me, only to usher another miserable beast inside. It sure is worth it but what a mess.
Tio met some other blood relatives today. Marcia's sister flew in from Arizona because their father has been hospitalized in critical, near death, circumstances. It appears he's going to recover but has some new disabilities to contend with. Tio doesn't know him or his aunt. They met when he was a baby and not really since. He also met a 2 year old cousin. I can't imagine that. Families are so scattered and nebulous than when I was a kid. Half siblings, step parents, extended adopted families. He seems to take it in stride but so many of his friends have similar conditions in their worlds that it's somewhat normal.
There aren't a lot of contentious issues this week. Now that Kit has outed himself and New York state has too, I had to push the point home to Tio that there will be no disparaging of gays, no using slurs and no more teasing along those lines. I said Kit will have trouble enough in the world dealing with this so the oner place he will be supported and safe is at home. I made the point very clear. I hope it was received.
My book is coming along. One of my main characters is stranded on Alcatraz in a world where no one goes there anymore. I guess I better go resolve that so he can save the world and move the story forward.
If only I could stop scratching.
The two younger boys spent 3 days at their other grandparents and came back tonight feeling pretty good. I hope we can continue overnights. Buddy came up from reading to Doc and said he was really upset and asked if I'd go check it out. I took down a bottle of good cheer and some laughs and figured out right away that he's nervous about starting summer school tomorrow. It isn't the first new group he's joined but he's always anxious about the unknown. So we huddled up and got to giggling and I said I'd drop in during the day to make sure he was okay. Then we read a silly story about a couple of wannabee pirates who tried to buy a ship but they were afraid of the water. So the old seadog cap'n sold them a van.
The dogs got long overdue baths. I stood in the shower stall with a grooming table and a soggy dog, soaping them and me up at the same time. Then I carried the sad sack outside to shake what water was left after shaking all over me, only to usher another miserable beast inside. It sure is worth it but what a mess.
Tio met some other blood relatives today. Marcia's sister flew in from Arizona because their father has been hospitalized in critical, near death, circumstances. It appears he's going to recover but has some new disabilities to contend with. Tio doesn't know him or his aunt. They met when he was a baby and not really since. He also met a 2 year old cousin. I can't imagine that. Families are so scattered and nebulous than when I was a kid. Half siblings, step parents, extended adopted families. He seems to take it in stride but so many of his friends have similar conditions in their worlds that it's somewhat normal.
There aren't a lot of contentious issues this week. Now that Kit has outed himself and New York state has too, I had to push the point home to Tio that there will be no disparaging of gays, no using slurs and no more teasing along those lines. I said Kit will have trouble enough in the world dealing with this so the oner place he will be supported and safe is at home. I made the point very clear. I hope it was received.
My book is coming along. One of my main characters is stranded on Alcatraz in a world where no one goes there anymore. I guess I better go resolve that so he can save the world and move the story forward.
If only I could stop scratching.
6.22.2011
The Wind Horse
6.20.2011
Choreathalon, Dish Pong, boredom, and other summer events.
Another week slipped into history. Here are some odds and sods.
The boys are officially home for the summer. They all did well. Kit picked up at the end of the year, Tio finished with a full year of honor roll, and Doc moves on to grade one where they expect results. Next year will be a big step for all 3. 2 go on to new schools and the third will have to show results.
I think I have figured out a way to get the boys to do chores. We're going to have a summer long "chorathalon". They'll earn points for good work, give each other points for bad work and winner earns a prize before school starts. The first event: Dish-Pong. The first player 'serves' by doing the night's dishes. If they are done to the umpire's satisfaction (that'd be me), then the pong goes to the other player who does dishes the following night. If a player misses a ball by screwing up the job or arguing about it, then their opponent gets a point and they have to serve again the following night by doing dishes again. This pong could stay all summer in one person's court (giving them a point each time) if they continue to serve badly. Once they've sent the pong successfully back to the other player, it's their turn to do a good job to get it out of their court. Lest someone decide they've lost too much and give up - the bigger the point spread at the end of the summer, the bigger the prize for the winner. So far they've joined in the spirit of it. Next up: the 30 foot trash throw and the summer readathon.
Tish came down with another cold that she picked up at work and still had to go in because they were short staffed. It's been a week and she finally has a couple of days off to recover. For the past few months she has been mulling over a really interesting book concept. It's a non fiction idea so I've been helping her conceptualize how to present sample chapters and cover letter. The great thing about non fiction is you don't have to write the whole thing in advance the way you do with a novel.
Tio told me when he's really bored he counts to a thousand. I had a hard time visualizing being that bored. So did Buddy. The next day when I said Tio had to stay in and do extra work because of getting bad behavior marks at school, Buddy says ' I guess he won't have to count tonight.'
It's father's day today and I took the younger 2 boys to the local beach. I guess I didn't get the day off but it was a nice afternoon. Speaking of fathers... my dad was a nice man but had a quick temper. He had several expressions that he used to get us off our can and doing what we were told. "Wait til your father gets home" was a real threat in our young lives. He'd say things like "quit screwing with the dog and get to work!" or "You're for the jumps if you don't hop to it." He had some more humorous ones, too. In fact, last Wednesday, after misbehaving before bedtime and thinking better of it, Doc squeaked out nervously on his way down to bed, "Am I for the Jing Jang Jollies?" I guess I channel my old man more than I think. He'd say: "I'll give you more than the Jing Jang Jollies!"
Last week Sugar took me out for a father's day dinner at a very nice restaurant. We both agreed that we love being waited on while we enjoy a good meal. We like to take our time through supper rather than just treat the place as a simple food ingestery. In fact, if I won the lottery (as everyone says to imagine being incredibly wealthy), I'd go every night for supper at a favorite local spot. They'd know I was coming, know what I like and have great suggestions and my favorite bev ready after I arrive. I'd pay at the top of the month instead of daily and have the chef stock special recipes just for me and mine. *Sigh* I suppose I should start buying lottery tickets....
What else? Tio's baseball team won the local series and plays the rival series for the championship this Friday. Oh yeah, I got Tio mowing the lawn, thinking he's old enough to handle the sizable tractor mower. Next thing I know, he's chasing Kit down the lawn on a bicycle with it. I guess maturity doesn't come with age - only wrinkles.
Sometimes, it's hard to know which spins faster - the world or my head.
The boys are officially home for the summer. They all did well. Kit picked up at the end of the year, Tio finished with a full year of honor roll, and Doc moves on to grade one where they expect results. Next year will be a big step for all 3. 2 go on to new schools and the third will have to show results.
I think I have figured out a way to get the boys to do chores. We're going to have a summer long "chorathalon". They'll earn points for good work, give each other points for bad work and winner earns a prize before school starts. The first event: Dish-Pong. The first player 'serves' by doing the night's dishes. If they are done to the umpire's satisfaction (that'd be me), then the pong goes to the other player who does dishes the following night. If a player misses a ball by screwing up the job or arguing about it, then their opponent gets a point and they have to serve again the following night by doing dishes again. This pong could stay all summer in one person's court (giving them a point each time) if they continue to serve badly. Once they've sent the pong successfully back to the other player, it's their turn to do a good job to get it out of their court. Lest someone decide they've lost too much and give up - the bigger the point spread at the end of the summer, the bigger the prize for the winner. So far they've joined in the spirit of it. Next up: the 30 foot trash throw and the summer readathon.
Tish came down with another cold that she picked up at work and still had to go in because they were short staffed. It's been a week and she finally has a couple of days off to recover. For the past few months she has been mulling over a really interesting book concept. It's a non fiction idea so I've been helping her conceptualize how to present sample chapters and cover letter. The great thing about non fiction is you don't have to write the whole thing in advance the way you do with a novel.
Tio told me when he's really bored he counts to a thousand. I had a hard time visualizing being that bored. So did Buddy. The next day when I said Tio had to stay in and do extra work because of getting bad behavior marks at school, Buddy says ' I guess he won't have to count tonight.'
It's father's day today and I took the younger 2 boys to the local beach. I guess I didn't get the day off but it was a nice afternoon. Speaking of fathers... my dad was a nice man but had a quick temper. He had several expressions that he used to get us off our can and doing what we were told. "Wait til your father gets home" was a real threat in our young lives. He'd say things like "quit screwing with the dog and get to work!" or "You're for the jumps if you don't hop to it." He had some more humorous ones, too. In fact, last Wednesday, after misbehaving before bedtime and thinking better of it, Doc squeaked out nervously on his way down to bed, "Am I for the Jing Jang Jollies?" I guess I channel my old man more than I think. He'd say: "I'll give you more than the Jing Jang Jollies!"
Last week Sugar took me out for a father's day dinner at a very nice restaurant. We both agreed that we love being waited on while we enjoy a good meal. We like to take our time through supper rather than just treat the place as a simple food ingestery. In fact, if I won the lottery (as everyone says to imagine being incredibly wealthy), I'd go every night for supper at a favorite local spot. They'd know I was coming, know what I like and have great suggestions and my favorite bev ready after I arrive. I'd pay at the top of the month instead of daily and have the chef stock special recipes just for me and mine. *Sigh* I suppose I should start buying lottery tickets....
What else? Tio's baseball team won the local series and plays the rival series for the championship this Friday. Oh yeah, I got Tio mowing the lawn, thinking he's old enough to handle the sizable tractor mower. Next thing I know, he's chasing Kit down the lawn on a bicycle with it. I guess maturity doesn't come with age - only wrinkles.
Sometimes, it's hard to know which spins faster - the world or my head.
6.12.2011
Tio's week
Last week we had a revelation from Kit that seems to have jumped him forward. He stumbled and worked hard, and stumbled again all winter and spring, to come face to face with a tough realization about himself. Rather that shy away, he's accepted, embraced even, who he wants to be. It has been a positive force for him.
Tio is a different story. He's resisting change. Because he is popular, good at sports and academics, I've been giving him more rope than perhaps he deserved. He's full of himself and doesn't believe that he should have to work hard at anything. It's made him disrespectful and arrogant towards authority and even dismissive of having to live within the rules, both at home and at school. For all the work I've done in the past couple of months to help him "learn to learn", he's dismissed that, too. It came to a head this week over several incidents and he was threatened with having his baseball season end early if he didn't shape up.
Tish is more worried about my well being and feels that if Tio doesn't want to cooperate there's no reason for me to spend a lot of energy driving him to games, working on academics, and helping him out. While I'm not quite there, she has a point. We still haven't got it through to him that he's old enough to help out, old enough to think of others before himself, old enough to know the difference between good and bad behavior without having to be constantly reminded.
Since he was at risk of losing playing on the all star baseball team, I spent the past few days trying to suss out how to find a middle ground where he will work with us and I can cooperate with him, knowing that both Tish and Buddy had already decided he shouldn't be on the team. They felt that he needs a serious consequence to take us seriously. I agreed but also wanted him to play baseball.
Yesterday, he and I came to an arrangement where he would work towards goals and still play ball. We shook hands and he went into the living room where I heard him smugly tell Grammo and his dad that he'd talked me into letting him play, acting like he pulled one over on me and things were "back to normal".
So, needless to say, he lost an opportunity to play on a really good team, lost his privileges to stay in town after school, and earned himself some serious summer work. He's clearly not mature enough yet to figure some of this stuff out, much as I wish it were so. It took Kit all winter of having school privileges curtailed, early bedtimes and other limits before he could recognize that working with everyone made his life easier and helped him come to important realizations about himself.
We only hope that Tio doesn't take longer to do the same.
Tio is a different story. He's resisting change. Because he is popular, good at sports and academics, I've been giving him more rope than perhaps he deserved. He's full of himself and doesn't believe that he should have to work hard at anything. It's made him disrespectful and arrogant towards authority and even dismissive of having to live within the rules, both at home and at school. For all the work I've done in the past couple of months to help him "learn to learn", he's dismissed that, too. It came to a head this week over several incidents and he was threatened with having his baseball season end early if he didn't shape up.
Tish is more worried about my well being and feels that if Tio doesn't want to cooperate there's no reason for me to spend a lot of energy driving him to games, working on academics, and helping him out. While I'm not quite there, she has a point. We still haven't got it through to him that he's old enough to help out, old enough to think of others before himself, old enough to know the difference between good and bad behavior without having to be constantly reminded.
Since he was at risk of losing playing on the all star baseball team, I spent the past few days trying to suss out how to find a middle ground where he will work with us and I can cooperate with him, knowing that both Tish and Buddy had already decided he shouldn't be on the team. They felt that he needs a serious consequence to take us seriously. I agreed but also wanted him to play baseball.
Yesterday, he and I came to an arrangement where he would work towards goals and still play ball. We shook hands and he went into the living room where I heard him smugly tell Grammo and his dad that he'd talked me into letting him play, acting like he pulled one over on me and things were "back to normal".
So, needless to say, he lost an opportunity to play on a really good team, lost his privileges to stay in town after school, and earned himself some serious summer work. He's clearly not mature enough yet to figure some of this stuff out, much as I wish it were so. It took Kit all winter of having school privileges curtailed, early bedtimes and other limits before he could recognize that working with everyone made his life easier and helped him come to important realizations about himself.
We only hope that Tio doesn't take longer to do the same.
6.09.2011
What do you do in your spare time?
I always thought that question was a joke - even when I was a teenager. "Lets see, I go to school or work then I practice the flute until I drop stopping for a meal, and some sleep. WHAT spare time?" Of course, everyone seemed to think that practicing music was 'spare'.
These days in my 'spare' time I make some jewelry and ornate flutes. I thought I might start sharing a bit of it with folk who don't know me from my facebook while I'm on my novel writing sabbatical this summer.
This is a graduation piece from a mother to her daughter. The ankh symbolizes "Life" and the inscription on the back is hieroglyph for "Caring". Thus "Caring for Life". Fitting for a girl graduating in mental health and social therapy. It's a charm to go on the Pandora bracelets.
These pictures come from a flute I have just finished that tells the Choctaw legend of THE WIND HORSE in silver.
I'll post the video where I tell the story and show the whole flute when I finish it
We'll see what I do in my 'spare time' this week.
What do you do in your spare time?
These days in my 'spare' time I make some jewelry and ornate flutes. I thought I might start sharing a bit of it with folk who don't know me from my facebook while I'm on my novel writing sabbatical this summer.
 |
| Injured Brave |
 |
| Choctaw Sun |
I'll post the video where I tell the story and show the whole flute when I finish it
We'll see what I do in my 'spare time' this week.
What do you do in your spare time?
6.06.2011
The cat is out of the closet
In an otherwise slow week, something substantial happened. But before I spill the bean, let me back up a few feet so you can see the big picture.
I've said many times that Kit is different - his own individual. The detail that I've left out is how he is different. Ever since he was a toddler, he's always acted as though he wants to be a girl from choosing girls clothes, girl style toys, girl attitudes, girls for friends, and so forth. While cross gender for children isn't that unusual, he's never wavered from it his whole life. In fact, it is so strong that we knew once puberty hit he would have adult sexual identity issues to deal with. While no one in the family has a problem with this - and I'm speaking for his mother's sides of the family, too - we all are fiercely aware of the difficulties he faces with other kids, friends, and less than understanding adults.
Through the years he and I have made dollhouses, played with his vast Barbie collection, and made videos of him dressed in wigs and skirts. We've bought pounds of gaudy jewelry and gone on Google hunts to look at fashion designs and Lady Gaga outfits. This past year he's grown out of dolls and dressing moved on to girl teen magazines and articles like, "who will be your dream date" and "how to tell if Justin Beiber is right for you" right down reading the latest fashion tips and hanging pictures of boys in his room.
We've tried to prepare him by letting him know that there's nothing wrong with being different but others may treat him badly because of it. He's taken serious hits for it, too, through his first 5 years of school, being called weird and gay and a host of worse things. But he's undaunted and unabashed. While it bothers him that some kids don't accept him, he is unwilling to change for them. He isn't bothered by their lifestyles, so why should they be bothered by his?
Jump ahead to this week. All on his own he "came out" to his friends at school and told them he is gay. He asked a friend if she would tell a boy that he liked him and wanted to "go out with him". She did - and the other boy panicked. Kit ended up in the counselling office while they tried to figure out how to handle it. The counsellor wasn't upset that Kit might be gay, she was concerned that it might be inappropriate to tell another 10 year old boy that he's the object of a boy's affections.
Kit saw nothing wrong with it and when we talked about it later, I could easily see his side. Boys and girls his age are always 'dating'. Tio has had so-called girlfriends on and off for years. All it signifies is that they text and talk and act like special friends until they break up a week later and 'date' someone else. So, reasoned Kit, why couldn't he do the same thing? He believes he has special feelings for this boy and wants to express them the same as anybody else does. I can't argue with that except that, whether or not he really is gay, I think anyone his age is too young to date.
I could go on for pages about this, the implications, the past, the ways society now accepts this, yet still has problems , etc., etc.. But the bottom line is that Kit has decided to take an incredibly bold step in his life and caught us a bit off guard. He told his dad about it, unusual for him to confide in Buddy, which tells us that he is probably more sure of himself than we knew and we have some catching up to do. Personally, I was kind of hoping this wouldn't happen for a couple more years but here we are.
In the intervening days since this, I had been wondering about the feelings of the other boy and how Kit needs to be careful of that. But I'm not so sure. Of course you want to take other's feelings into account, but even in a heterosexual situation, a boy asks a girl out without knowing how she feels. If she rejects or backs off then the boy must respect that. But how do you find out until you ask? I guess if Kit is okay with asking, the other boy will have to respond. Welcome to the new post "Don't Ask Don't Tell" world. Young people will have to learn that homosexual behavior is becoming part of normal social interactions and that if a gay boy asks you out, you can turn him down without it being a reflection on your own sexuality.
That being said, we are WAY, WAY too far ahead of that with kids Kit's age. Whether he turns out to be gay or not, he's not even in middle school yet and needs to take a couple more years to really learn what's going on inside him. I'm just glad summer starts in two weeks. It will give us a breather while I do some serious research on how to help him navigate this without retribution in the coming school year. While Kit has been living this all his life, and we've been living with it, what comes next is new for all of us.
I've said many times that Kit is different - his own individual. The detail that I've left out is how he is different. Ever since he was a toddler, he's always acted as though he wants to be a girl from choosing girls clothes, girl style toys, girl attitudes, girls for friends, and so forth. While cross gender for children isn't that unusual, he's never wavered from it his whole life. In fact, it is so strong that we knew once puberty hit he would have adult sexual identity issues to deal with. While no one in the family has a problem with this - and I'm speaking for his mother's sides of the family, too - we all are fiercely aware of the difficulties he faces with other kids, friends, and less than understanding adults.
Through the years he and I have made dollhouses, played with his vast Barbie collection, and made videos of him dressed in wigs and skirts. We've bought pounds of gaudy jewelry and gone on Google hunts to look at fashion designs and Lady Gaga outfits. This past year he's grown out of dolls and dressing moved on to girl teen magazines and articles like, "who will be your dream date" and "how to tell if Justin Beiber is right for you" right down reading the latest fashion tips and hanging pictures of boys in his room.
We've tried to prepare him by letting him know that there's nothing wrong with being different but others may treat him badly because of it. He's taken serious hits for it, too, through his first 5 years of school, being called weird and gay and a host of worse things. But he's undaunted and unabashed. While it bothers him that some kids don't accept him, he is unwilling to change for them. He isn't bothered by their lifestyles, so why should they be bothered by his?
Jump ahead to this week. All on his own he "came out" to his friends at school and told them he is gay. He asked a friend if she would tell a boy that he liked him and wanted to "go out with him". She did - and the other boy panicked. Kit ended up in the counselling office while they tried to figure out how to handle it. The counsellor wasn't upset that Kit might be gay, she was concerned that it might be inappropriate to tell another 10 year old boy that he's the object of a boy's affections.
Kit saw nothing wrong with it and when we talked about it later, I could easily see his side. Boys and girls his age are always 'dating'. Tio has had so-called girlfriends on and off for years. All it signifies is that they text and talk and act like special friends until they break up a week later and 'date' someone else. So, reasoned Kit, why couldn't he do the same thing? He believes he has special feelings for this boy and wants to express them the same as anybody else does. I can't argue with that except that, whether or not he really is gay, I think anyone his age is too young to date.
I could go on for pages about this, the implications, the past, the ways society now accepts this, yet still has problems , etc., etc.. But the bottom line is that Kit has decided to take an incredibly bold step in his life and caught us a bit off guard. He told his dad about it, unusual for him to confide in Buddy, which tells us that he is probably more sure of himself than we knew and we have some catching up to do. Personally, I was kind of hoping this wouldn't happen for a couple more years but here we are.
In the intervening days since this, I had been wondering about the feelings of the other boy and how Kit needs to be careful of that. But I'm not so sure. Of course you want to take other's feelings into account, but even in a heterosexual situation, a boy asks a girl out without knowing how she feels. If she rejects or backs off then the boy must respect that. But how do you find out until you ask? I guess if Kit is okay with asking, the other boy will have to respond. Welcome to the new post "Don't Ask Don't Tell" world. Young people will have to learn that homosexual behavior is becoming part of normal social interactions and that if a gay boy asks you out, you can turn him down without it being a reflection on your own sexuality.
That being said, we are WAY, WAY too far ahead of that with kids Kit's age. Whether he turns out to be gay or not, he's not even in middle school yet and needs to take a couple more years to really learn what's going on inside him. I'm just glad summer starts in two weeks. It will give us a breather while I do some serious research on how to help him navigate this without retribution in the coming school year. While Kit has been living this all his life, and we've been living with it, what comes next is new for all of us.
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