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9.04.2011

Doc's holiday

There seems to be a switch of roles with the kids and their dad. Kit is getting along much better with Buddy. They aren't yelling at each other and Kit is much more cooperative. They still have their moments but now Doc is the real firecracker. He's been screaming and yelling at Buddy as soon as they are out of my reach. In the car, or when I go away, Doc starts calling his dad some of the most atrocious names, making demands, and otherwise making anyone within earshot miserable with his screaming and tantrums. Yesterday in the car he said "If you don't change the radio station I'll kill you." This from a 6 year old and Buddy did nothing. When I found out I sent the kid to his room and told him if that ever happened again, I'd paddle his behind bright red. This was the third time in the past 3 days that he had to stay in his room for mouthing off to Buddy.

I'm getting a bit tired of being the heavy around here and told Buddy if he wants his relationship with his son to improve hes going to have to take a stand. Otherwise, he can expect this to be the norm for years to come. He is trying but he's only just realizing how much work it really is. This morning, after yet another tantrum, Doc was timing-out in his room while Buddy went to the recycle center. I was playing 20 questions with Tio in the kitchen and I looked out the front window in time to see Doc crouching along past the front deck like an indian brave on the hunt. I called his name and he looked up like he'd just had a light flashed on him from an alien spaceship. Then he turned and fled back to the back door from whence he came.

In trying to sort out why Doc has such anger towards his dad there are a couple of possibilities. One being that Buddy is not very accessible. Even when he's there he's not really there (which I've blogged on before). He has been working on that but it's still an issue. The other is that because Debbie, Doc's mother, has moved away again and is rarely in touch, Doc may be subconsciously blaming Buddy for that. More recently, since the other grandparents have moved away as well and not been in touch, it can only add to the young boy's confusion. So we're working on some positive ways Buddy can talk with him about all this without trying to ask questions or cast any aspersions on Debbie. His love for her is visceral and deep, just as is his confusion and anger about her disappearance. As with all the emotional issues with the boys, these are deep waters and we have to navigate carefully if we want him to deal with it all successfully.

One thing Buddy is learning is that whenever he has a day off to look after the boys, he's exhausted, in bed and passed out by 9, even before the older boys. No insomnia on those nights like all the nights when he comes home from work. He starting to realize how exhausting it is for me to look after them the rest if the week. They are a needy and demanding brood and staying on top of the day to day changes is a real brain drain. Maybe that explains some of the napping I do.