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9.29.2011

“Free cheeseburgers to anyone who sacks that quarterback!”


The score was 24 to 12 for our team in the 3rd quarter and that’s the play that we heard wafting across the field from the coach of the opposing team.

The view from the cheap seats is almost as bad as this one
from my  phone. Tio was out there giving his all.

You know, folks, when you think about it, isn’t that what coaching middle school football is really all about anyway? Coach to the burgers, I say! It’s a first taste of varsity, college and then on to pro ball. After all, isn’t the cheeseburger really just a metaphor for the paycheck? Why play sports for the win, for the spirit or for the sportsmanship when you can set your sights on a juicy double whopper with cheese as soon as you feel both limbs on that scrawny QB snap like twigs?

Hell, why not just use the opposing team’s jersey numbers as a point system for the defensive line to chalk up their personal best. Whoever pulls down the highest score at the end of the game gets a gift certificate for John Madden’s 2011 All Around Good Sports NFL Challenge for Gameboy or Wii.

The final score today was 30 to 12 and their boys went home hungry. Maybe burgers aren’t the best incentive after all.