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4.24.2012

Out of chaos comes order

An odd day of ups and downs was today. This morning I concluded Ive been in a bad mood for 3 months which is totally counter to my nature. Usually, I can't carry a grudge or bad mood for a day. I remember my sister got sent to bed without supper once for tearing up my one of a kind irreplaceable keepsake diary. That night I snuck food up to her. Yet here I am feeling permanently stuck under a black cloud.

While lying on my sofa with Bunnie, pondering this and reading a new quantum gravity theory, Stravinsky's 'Rite Of Spring' began to play on my iPod. Bunnie sat bolt upright and began to sniff the air. Usually she ignores everything from Van Halen to Weather Report but this bothered her. I hit 'shuffle' and she settled back down to sleep. Strange. Maybe her boatload of pups was kicking up a fuss over it.

The boys came home early so we got subs and ice cream and I apologized for being so short tempered these past weeks. They understood. "Can't blame you," were Tio's words, and I think he's taken the brunt of it. I said I have another 9 weeks to go and I'd try to be a bit softer. We all had a good evening together.

The night ended with the cold realization that chances are I'll be the only one here when Bunnie has puppies. That was sobering. I read the chapter on whelping in Tish's Aussie book and, while it is likely the pups will slide out and Bunnie will handle it all, some of the complications are downright scary. If things go wrong I could be doing everything from reaching a finger in to unhook a leg to giving the slimy things mouth to mouth (gently though - or I could explode it's tiny lungs!). All this is going to happen in the next couple of days! Hey-Suess Marimba.

The day, like my life right now, was a real roller coaster ride from the pit of self recrimination to contemplating the beginning of the universe and the beginnings of life here in our home. I may be going through some weird crap but, man, what a trip.