Follow our story from the start! - click "newer posts" at the end of each page

7.08.2012

Rebooting my world

Okay, so I guess I'm still not up to blogging every day yet. A boy can dream. I just get so damn tired that my brain goes blank and I can't think of a thing to write - or much else. Not much has happened in the past couple of days. The birds are crowding each other out of the nest ready to go, the boys have been visiting their mom who's in town for the week, and one of the bitches is in heat again so we have to keep all the dogs separate for the next couple of weeks. Poor Gulliver is going crazy (typical male) mounting everything that moves and whining through the night.
 My life seems to be drifting back to some semblence of normal and I don't know if I'm ready for it - which surprises me - because I don't know what normal is anymore. I don't suppose anyone should be too prepared to return to endless laundry, bickering, and a constant demand for attention. I need to step back and realize how far the boys have come in the past 2 years so that I can appreciate where I'm restarting from.
First off, they don't fight nearly as much as they used to. Day to day living is fairly calm, if busy and noisy. Everyone knows the expectations and lives up to them for the most part. Right now, I'd have to say that Kit is showing the most maturity for his age. Something I would not have expected 2 years ago when they moved in. He was deeply troubled, still is in many ways, but I think he understands himself better than Tio. Partly because he embraces his differences instead of being ashamed or afraid. That fearlessness will serve him well when he grows up.
Tio has regressed a bit, as early teens will, and is having a hard time understanding limits. I guess that surprised me because he is so smart and has a natural talent and ease about him. Underneath his bluff self control is some serious self doubt. While Kit wrestles with his doubts openly Tio denies his and hides behind ego.
Little Doc is still a chatterbox and all boy. He turns 7 in a few weeks and aside from swearing too much with language he learned from Tio, he's doing fine.
As for me, I know I've changed since my illness and it will take time to understand just how and what it means to my relationship with the boys. I want to be there 100% for them but 100% of what is the question that I don't yet have an answer to.