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3.12.2011

On the run again...

A couple of days ago Debbie called Buddy to say she couldn't see the boys this weekend. That, in fact, she wouldn't be able to see them for the next 30 days. She wouldn't say why or where she was going. "What do I tell the kids?" he asked. She didn't know. That was that. Buddy contacted her parents, who knew nothing about it.

Unfortunately, this is not new behavior for her. In the past when she couldn't deal, she'd uproot them and move at moment's notice. Middle of the night, after school, first thing in the morning, she's decide she'd had enough of whatever was going on and pack them up like luggage and disappear, usually to her parents, where Buddy would have to involve the police or the courts just to see his kids. This happened so often that the older boys had no security knowing where they would be one day to the next. The rug could be pulled out any moment. It was scary and created a good portion of their disassociation problems. The only difference this time is she can't drag them along with her.

We debated what to tell the boys. Without knowing the particulars it left a bad taste that led to unsavory conclusions. By last night, she hadn't called them and Buddy hadn't said anything, either. Gee, I wonder whose lap that left the odious task in? I related the facts as I knew them without any embellishment or drawing conclusions. Kit wiped silent tears and Tio wasn't too surprised but it still gave him a gut ache. He didn't care about seeing her so much but I'm sure it brought back a stack of ugly memories. Doc was too young to remember all the past moves so he was only disappointed. When Bud got home, he was still ready to give them half truths and shrugs.

These boys have grown up too fast in some ways and are still so very young in others. They've been lied to and manipulated all their lives. The least we can do is level with them. Since no one else has done such a crackerjack job with the truth, maybe it's time they be given a shot at it to sort out for themselves.

Being honest with kids about hard truth is tough. But the alternative is unacceptable.